Wikipedia:Peer review/Hatem Ben Arfa/archive1

Hatem Ben Arfa

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it is capable of becoming a good article. I prefer an experience editor to give his/her opinion on the article before I proceed to recommend it for GA status.

Thanks, Joao10Siamun (talk) 04:30, 5 June 2010 (UTC)

Had a quick check for the major things and the notable bits that stick out are:

• The lead doesn't cover the entire article.
• There are a lot of points in the International career section that need citations.
• Reference #1's details need expanding, access date, website etc.

All the best for the article! Miyagawa (talk) 08:07, 10 June 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This looks pretty good except for problem of the incomplete lead and the problem of sourcing in the "International career" section. The images look fine, and the licenses look fine. The article is stable, neutral, fairly broad, generally well-written, and has no dabs or dead urls at the moment. Here are a few suggestions for further improvement.

Lead

• I agree with User:Miyagawa that the lead is not a true summary of the entire article. A good rule of thumb is to include in the lead at least a mention of each of the main text sections. If you can imagine a reader who can only read the lead, you'll have a good idea of how to write it. WP:LEAD has details.
• "A graduate of the famous Clairefontaine academy... ". - I would delete the word "famous" because that is an editorial judgment rather than something supported by a reliable source.

Olympique Lyonnais

• "He scored a brace in each match with both results being in favor of Lyon." - Does "brace" mean two? It's not commonly used in the U.S. Would the sentence be slightly better and more clear as "He scored twice in each match, and Lyon won both"?

Olympique Marseilles

• "However, Ben Arfa confirmed to the local La Provence newspaper" - If La Provence is the name of a newspaper, it should appear in italics. Ditto for Le Progrès a bit further down.

International career

• This entire section is largely unsourced. A good rule of thumb is to provide a source for every set of statistics, every direct quotation, every claim that has been questioned or is apt to be questioned, and every paragraph.

Other

• Captions consisting solely of a sentence fragment don't take terminal periods.
• You might look at some of the sports biographies listed at WP:FA#Sport and recreation to see how other editors have handled similar writing projects.
• Possibilities for expansion might include something about Ben Arfa's playing style and something about his life outside of football.
• The images lack alt text, meant for readers who can't see the images. WP:ALT has details.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 01:37, 13 June 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the assistance. Took care of the issues pertaining to your responses and will nominate it for a good article today. — Joao10Siamun (talk) 17:32, 16 June 2010 (UTC)