Wikipedia:Peer review/David Hamilton (footballer)/archive1

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David Hamilton (footballer)[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it is currently rated as C-class (fairly harsh, I think, but I wrote it...) but I was wondering what improvements people thought could be implemented to get the article up to a Good Article.

Thanks, -- BigDom 22:40, 12 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is interesting and generally reads well. Some of the jargon needs to be explained for readers who know little about football, and I have a few other suggestions.

  • It's often useful to look at Featured Articles to see how other editors have handled similar subjects. You can find a list of featured sports articles at WP:FA#Sport and recreation. Thierry Henry, for example, is an FA article about a footballer. It has a "Style of play" section, which might be something you could consider for expanding the Hamilton article. One of the GA criteria is that the article be broad in coverage.
  • Can't really find any sources describing his style of play, just that he was a midfielder. I know what you're saying about being broad in coverage though.

Lead

  • "He won caps... " - A reader unfamiliar with association football won't know what "caps" refers to.
  • Wikilinked caps.
  • "He is currently the chief scout of League One side Walsall, whom he joined in June 2009." - "which" rather than "whom"?
  • Changed.
  • "having not played any matches for the Black Cats - Delete italics? Are the Black Cats different from Blackburn? Why did it matter that he had not played any matches for the Black Cats? (It's made clear below that the Black Cats refers to Sunderland, but it needs to be clear in the lead as well.)
  • Took out the bit about him having played no games, so the Black Cats part came out with it.
  • "he played in over 100 league matches for the side in just three seasons" - Should "side" be linked or explained?
  • Can't see how it would be confusing, but changed it anyway.
  • "He played 15 matches in two years for the Clarets" - Delete italics here and for other team names elsewhere in the article? Are the Clarets different from Burnley? It's clear in the main text that they are the same, but it's not clear here.
  • Changed that phrase to just "... in two years for Burnley", and deleted italics throughout article.
  • "He started to take his coaching badges... " - What are coaching badges?
  • Replaced "badges" with "qualifications".

Playing career

  • "He admitted to having a good working relationship with Clough while in the England set-up." - I'm not sure what "the England set-up" refers to.
  • Changed it.

Tables

  • You have a chart of managerial stats. Any chance of doing one with player stats?
  • Took a while, but done.

References

  • Newspaper names should appear in italics.
  • Done.

Images

  • At least one would be good if you can find one. You might find something with a Creative Commons license at flickr.com, or you might find a team photo that could be used with a fair-use rationale. You'll probably need at least one image to make GA.
  • Really struggling to find any images, pictures, photos etc...

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article in an area of your own choosing. Finetooth (talk) 04:13, 25 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for that, much appreciated. -- BigDom 18:25, 25 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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